Hi--   Sorry if this is a bit longish...

I have just been through my first(and oh god I pray, last) BIG flame type discord with
my list, and lived (barely) to tell about it...  The list is a one of a support type,
where many people and extremely sensitive/easily hurt.

I asked that the heated conversation be taken privately, and this was interpreted by a
handful of the people involved(some whom are friends with one another) as "if the list owner has an
opinion that is different from mine(it's true I did not share their view point regarding this
"debate"), I will be silenced, and forced off of the list".  Absurd.   One party also very abusively
flamed me on list, posting parts of my private mail to her in an "out of context" type of way.

Although, very thankfully, I have received very much kindness and & support from other
members, there are still a handful that are causing me a lot of grief.

It's a very loooong(and  "it ain t pretty"!) story, but it brought to mind a couple of
tough questions, that I still haven't been able to come to any solid conclusions
regarding.   Any input would be *really* appreciated:

One of the people involved called me the slang word (starts with "c") for the female
lower part of body!!!   My first reaction was "nobody talks to me this way, anywhere,
ever!!!"  And indeed, if anyone in my personal life spoke to me this way, that would
be it.  *But* I understand that I dynamics here may be different..

The question is:  What would others do here?   Does this warrant a banning of this
person from the list?     Again, this list is a *support* forum, dealing with many
extremely fragile individuals...   I am also a list *member*.      If this comment had
been made *on list*, I wouldn t have this quandary.    It would be a clear violation of
list guidelines.   The comment was made via a private exchange... *but* we were
speaking as "list member to list member".      I m just not sure here...

The same member, and actually another member involved also told me that if I unsubbed
them, they could  always just re-sub under a free mail addy(I m sure others have heard
this one...sigh...) ... which brings me to my next question...

If this has been addressed until the cows come home already, feel free to mail me
privately...

Would it be unfair/unreasonable to *only* allow people with their main, paid ISP
account to sub. to my list?    It could put a big damper on the arrogance, and ability of trouble
makers,  *especially* on this type of list where it is VERY  disturbing to
other members when this kind of trouble occurs.    Is that such an unfair thing to do?
After all,  ISP accounts come with a least one (now more are common) e-mail account.

Thanks,

Louise Lawrence