Francoise Becker wrote:
>
> Hi Louise,

Hi Francoise :)
>
> Who does the list _belong_ to? Are you the owner, or are you running it
> for an organization?

***It's not run for an organization, so we could make our own policies as we would see fit, yes.

< As far as I'm concerned, it's the same as hosting a party. I have every right to
> ask people to leave my house if I feel that they are mistreating the other
> guests or scratching up the furniture...

*** Yes, I can certainly relate to this analogy.
>
> If nobody "talks to you that way anywhere" then there's no reason you
> should have to put up with it on your list. Indeed, if someone on my list
> did that, I would delete them,

*** This is what I was thinking, and what I actually did,  but started 2nd guessing myself, not
having any info. whatsoever concerning how other list owners handled these things.   Not so anymore
though (heard from a few now <s>).

 put every one of their known addresses in the header under "Filter=Also,...".

***Can you tell me what this does Francoise?  I'm not familiar with this config.  Thanks.
>
> My list is set up with Default-Options=Review, and I take new
> subscribers off of review once I've determined that they are not
> spammers or trouble makers. (Generally after the first post -- just don't
> publicize that to the list or the person can get back on by pretending to
> be nice on the first post).

*** I'd like to start doing the same - new subs to review.  *Especially* being that these couple of
trouble makers have out & out told me that they will sub again.
>
> I've only had to do that with one member in the 2 years that I've been running the list. He was civil to me, and mostly civil _on_ the list, but then he would send scathing remarks privately to people who posted, telling them that they were idiots for asking such stupid questions or making such moronic statements. Several people signed off the list before one of them told me about it.

**** That's unbelievable.  It's really sad when you think about how many ppl may have been hurt, and
unsubbed in silence...

I still felt a little bad, because if anyone on the list needed help, he certainly did. But I
decided that I personally do not have the resources to help him, and I
had to protect the rest of my list.

**** I understand.  I don't see what else you could have done.   You were doing all that you could
in giving  him a 2nd chance intitally(by warning).  It was all up to him afterwards.   And, your
right about this perhaps being a lesson and leading him to get professional help.   Often, the
toughest lessons in life(that we depise while they are happening) are the ones we end up looking
back at and being grateful for.

If the abusive remark is made in response to a post to the list, even if it's done privately, then
it still falls under list guidelines. The point is that you do not want people to be scared to post
to the list, and if they are subject to private abuse for posting publicly, then it still falls
under the list guidelines. You might want to make that point explicit in the list guidelines.

**** I really agree with that.  I've now heard other list owners say the same as well. I think this
is the way to go for certain.
>
> There is no dilemna. You did the right thing.

*** Thanks for your reply Francoise.   I very much needed feedback from other list owners on this
one.   I apprecitate it!
>
Louise