At 09:27 AM 2/26/99 -0500, Louise Lawrence wrote:
>Hi--   Sorry if this is a bit longish...
>
>I have just been through my first(and oh god I pray, last) BIG flame type
>discord with
>my list, and lived (barely) to tell about it...  The list is a one of a
>support type,
>where many people and extremely sensitive/easily hurt.

Well, I love how the people who are so "sensitive" can be the biggest
flamers.  Nothing like those who can give and not take.

>opinion that is different from mine(it's true I did not share their view
>point regarding this
>"debate"), I will be silenced, and forced off of the list".  Absurd.

Well, the listowner certainly CAN do that....and maybe these people are
aware of that because they've been tossed off of OTHER lists.  I've run
into folks who've been tossed from many lists.  Guess it is their idea of a
good time.

My first reaction was "nobody talks to me this way, anywhere,
>ever!!!"  And indeed, if anyone in my personal life spoke to me this way,
>that would
>be it.  *But* I understand that I dynamics here may be different..

Just as in any type of behavior towards you, only YOU can decide how to
react.  If someone pats you on the behind, is it sexual harassment or a
good friend showing affection?  And for many I imagine it depends on WHO is
doing it in what context.

>The question is:  What would others do here?   Does this warrant a banning
>of this
>person from the list?     Again, this list is a *support* forum, dealing
>with many
>extremely fragile individuals...   I am also a list *member*.      If this

Fragile shmagile......to me the fragility can be used as an excuse, a
crutch, a cop out for bad behavior.  I've run other support lists before
and generally the GENUINELY fragile ones aren't the ones doing the flaming
and ranting.  YMMV, of course.

>comment had
>been made *on list*, I wouldn t have this quandary.    It would be a clear
>violation of
>list guidelines.   The comment was made via a private exchange... *but* we
>were
>speaking as "list member to list member".      I m just not sure here...
Again, up to you.  Were it me, and in private communication, I'd probably
ignore it.  If it were public and violated guidelines, then no problem on
dumping them.  Another alternative would be to tell this person that if any
other rude personal email comes that you'll dump them from the list forever
(or whatever).

Also, remember there are other options. Set them to nopost.  Set them to
review.

>The same member, and actually another member involved also told me that if
>I unsubbed
>them, they could  always just re-sub under a free mail addy(I m sure
>others have heard
>this one...sigh...) ... which brings me to my next question...

Well, sure.....but you can unsub them as fast as they can resub.  And, if
it becomes a battle of free email systems, then you can set review as the
default for subscribers, and until they've made a few "decent" posts you
leave them on review.  It is a minor hassle to some "regular" new folks,
but better for list climate in general.

>Would it be unfair/unreasonable to *only* allow people with their main,
>paid ISP
>account to sub. to my list?    It could put a big damper on the

Fair and reasonable have NOTHING to do with it.  It is your list.  You're
the queen, dictator, etc.  Nothing says you have to do
anything.  Period.  Ever.

>arrogance, and ability of trouble
>makers,  *especially* on this type of list where it is VERY  disturbing to
>other members when this kind of trouble occurs.    Is that such an unfair
>thing to do?
>After all,  ISP accounts come with a least one (now more are common)
>e-mail account.

Again, only you can decide if the hassle is worth it.  Same as any other
hassles.

cheers

dan





>Thanks,
>
>Louise Lawrence

--
Dan Lester, 3577 East Pecan, Boise, ID 83716-7115 USA 208-383-0165
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