I would like to thank everyone on this list who has shown me support
and understanding and given me tons of really useful ideas to help
me solve the problems with my list.
 
The help and suggestions I have received have made me postpone and
perhaps cancel my former plan, which was to close the list at the end
of my current grant budget year (August). Part of my worry was that the
level of irrelevant stuff on the list would jeopardize grant re-funding.
Our last evaluation was excellent (that finished 2 months ago), but I know
the next one will be very bad.
 
Here is my plan (a synthesis of many suggestions that I received from
you folks):  I have identified 12 people who are long-time users, are
eminent in our field, whose judgement and commitment I trust. They are
equal numbers men and women.  I have written to ask them if they would
be willing to serve on an advisory panel to map out a plan for the
future of the list and then to carry out whatever they decide.  I have
set up a closed, confidential list to take care of discussions. Once
everyone is assembled, I plan to put before them the options that were
described to me on this list as possible solutions to our problems. Then,
they can go to it and I can remove myself.  So far, of the five who have
answered, all have agreed to be on the panel.  This is heartening.
 
If anyone else has any ideas for how to salvage a list that has gone
off-track (and has to meet certain federal guidelines), please forward
them to me, and I will add them to the file (the file called "Salvation",
by the way!)
 
Just a word on the replies I received regarding nastygrams:  You can't
imagine what an eye-opener they were!  You also can't imagine how
wonderful they made me feel. I never actually realized what was happening,
that there was bullying going on. I guess that is why it was impossible for
me to articulate my frustration and sadness to the people who have been
helping me run the list - both men, and both great - which, in turn caused
bitterness. I had received many messages from women telling me that I was
being harassed on the net, but I never believed them!  What an idiot!
 
So, anyway, I really thank everyone for their help and support.  It has been
a tonic and a pleasure.  Maybe I should rename the list the "PHOENIX"...for
rising out of the ashes!
Peace,
Anthea