=============  FOR IMMEDIATE DISTRIBUTION  ===============

FLASH!  FLASH!  FLASH!   STOP-PRESS


Baltimore, MD: (LPI) April 01 1997 19:19:10 -0500 UTC

We have just received word that Eric Thomas, author of the world famous
LISTSERV(R) program has been taken over by space aliens.  He has been
forced to accept a moderately high-ranking position in their military
structure (Major) and will be the Proctor responsible for the newly
created intraspace domain: 'Third Rock from Solaris' (know by its handle
as '.domo').

In a decree issued from his palace in Stockholm, the simulacrum now known
as Major.domo has proscribed until further notice all use of the english
language:

//  JOB   Echo=Yes
Intraspace Announcement  DD=Rules
//Rules DD  *
ANNOUNCE  'Decree' in  *  where sender contains 'thomas'
USE CJLI FOR ALL COMMS
PUNCH TICKET
INDEX
//*

The L-hard bunker in nearby Landover, MD (home base for the overlord in
the USA) is under siege by the commander's elite ListProc forces and net
connections have been reduced to 300 bps.  CC:Mail is sending Groupwise
reinforcements as fast as mach 4.11.  Heavy packet networking continues
and collisions are widespread.  Indian is held by JohnDC after covert lock
contention, while home has been easing out the pw.  The getaway-classic
car is piloted by win95, while the NT revolt has incapacitated the
getaway-lite truck, leaving many users stranded helplessly.  The
omniscient sylph cata-lyst has been ensnared by the wiley spider in the
orchard, while Plum and Peach are vacationing in the Cayman Islands,
enjoying the fruits of their labors.  All subscriptions are SET NOMAIL
NOWAY and the results of all SEARCHes are "You are not authorized to ask
that question."  We have also received word that LSMTP has fallen to the
darth invaders from the planet sendMail.  It appears to be the end of the
world as we know it.

Resistance is Futile!

GET listname (Happy april_1 nokidding  =8-)