>I've been running a list for the past six months (I'm also the site
>manager) for people with a chronic illness.

I too run a list with chronic and terminally ill people on it, and I find it
is a much different task than that which many of the listowners here deal
with.  First you have to organize your own thoughts about what your list is,
and what it is not.  If it is to be an unmoderated forum that, at least in
part, will serve as a support group, you're going to have to accept that
much of what passes through your list may not appeal to you personally.
This doesn't mean that you can't argue your own points, but you don't have
the luxury of some listowners of just kicking off anyone that displeases
you.  If there are larger issues to deal with in addition to just coping
with illness, then there may well have to be differences of opinion, as well
as just common venting.  Add to that the fact that many on your list are
under emotional stress, and you have an exercise in tolerance.  Much of what
goes on will be out of your control.

Having said that, it is also necessary to have a clear set of guidelines for
everyone to follow.  I have these sent to new subscribers, and post it on
our web page.  Rather than threatening to kick people off, I've found it
works to appeal to everyone who finds the list to be useful to help make it
work by following the guidelines.  These are no more than a few suggestions
for operating the list, and a short list of major things not to do.  One of
these is to never post a message whose only purpose is to insult another
participant.  Off-topic commericial advertisements are one of the few things
I make strictly forbidden on threat of unsubscribing.  Most people
understand the rule, and for those who don't it simply isn't worth getting
into a discussion about it.  I also try to make it plain that those who
insist on posting list maintenance questions or requests, instead of mailing
them to me, or saving the instructions the way they're told to, can not
expect much sympathy or help from me.  Though you're forced to do something
for the determinedly clueless anyway, this keeps the nonsense down to a
trickle as most start to take the directions to save the directions
seriously.  They have to be reminded every once in a while.

All this has to be done with at least the passive approval of the list
participants. There has to be some discussion involving them in the process.
You'll only be able to keep the noise level down if you have the cooperation
of at least the majority of the participants.

 ============================================================================
Mike Holloway             |* On average, 8 people a day on the waiting list
[log in to unmask]   |  for a transplant die for lack of a donor.
__________________________|* The end-stage diseases treated by transplant
  do not recognize age, race, nationality or pocketbook.
* There is no justifiable reason to deny organ donation, but many myths and
misunderstandings.
* Next of kin must allow donation.  Your family must know your wishes.
* Only a small fraction of the next of kin of potential donors allow
  donation to take place.
* In general, medical professionals do not recognize their obligation to
  support and promote donation.
Questions? See FAQ:
http://www.lib.ox.ac.uk/internet/news/faq/bit.listserv.transplant.html or
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/bit.listserv.transplant/
 =============================================================================