This is just plain funny!  I picked it up off the internet, and has passed
through a few hands and re-posts before this.  You'll get a kick outta it...
 
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From [log in to unmask] Thu Apr  1 18:53:20 1993
Subject: Re: OS/2 PDK, CDROM, and SHAKESPEARE
Status: RO
 
Note: Paul muad'dib is my other pseudonym. Post it wherever you want.
 
Subj: HOLY RULES OF OS/2 2.X
 
 
        Paul Muad'dib's Rightous Rules of OS/2 2.x Usage
 
        For if thou dost wish an effective computing environment, verily OS/2
can offer such a space, but be advised that whiners, and losers, and
techno-wimps it likes Not.  And if you are so evenly derived from such a stock,
may you find comfort in the likes of Windoze or GEM or System 6 (7 is a holy
number and it too would tax your meager mental resources).
 
        But if you have a spirit of cunning, adventure, and guile (and better
yet a direct Internet feed :), then doth it well appear that OS/2 is devised'
for you.
 
        ...if you know these few rules.
 
        Thou shalt read the manuals, and re-read them, BEFORE installing the
system, else thy system ends up fit for a wretch.  For I have seen the effects
of the computer handyman who thinketh that manuals are for vasty minds, and
this very person had but 4 megs of system memory when he concieved it a fine
idea to make his hard drive one HPFS partition. . . the resultant disk
thrashing was most lamentable to behold!
 
        ...which remindeth me of the next law...which is:  While HPFS is a most
absolute and excellent technology, and I can fairly proclaim its many virtues,
the Day of HPFS has not yet come.  Many programs understand it not; if (pity)
your OS gets churned about, you will have a most piteous time accessing and
repairing the damage, unless you are Smart.  And unless you have had many vital
experiences with OS/2, you are Not Smart.
 
        Thou shalt read, re-read, and re-re-re read the OS/2 2.x FAQ
(Frequently asked questions list); for its own author is as fair a gentleman as
any, bearing the Name Timothy Sipples; he is most certainly Smart.  It seems I
have asked all but nine and ninety questions, only to be told, "Insolent
Wretch!  Pollute our fair newsgroup no more with such tripe!  It is to be found
in the FAQ!  Now, get you gone, you minimus of hindering knot-grass made...you
bead, you acorn!!  Out, tawny Tarter, out!  Out, loathed medicine, hated
potion, hence!"    Oh, shame and eternal shame, nothing but shame!!   I would
save you from such a fate.  Read the FAQ.
 
        Thou shalt edit the garbage out of the installation procedure, for
while Neko the Cat may seem a fine idea upon installation, and you may say
often "Oh, to be such a fair young feline!  To bound about the desktop which
such abandon, winding up days with toil and nights with sleep...To fall
famished with such a Charming and Humorous Aspect... oh, 'tis so cute!  I thing
I should laugh! Ha! Ho! Ha!  Charming Cat!  Ha!".  But as the ever growing
swapfile sucks away your hard disk space, the fair young cat (and programs of
it's ilk) shall assume a different visage, and your Good Humor shall be
replaced by a murderous rage, and you will find yourself saying  "  Most foul
and evil beast!  I hate you!  You tread upon my screen with your vile whiskers,
sucking up my precious hard drive space, drinking my megabytes away; Oh, if I
could but crawl inside the desktop to join you in fair battle!  But nay, you
hide behind my windows and put .DLL's where I can't find them!  Vile thing!  I
am angry now! (etc.)
 
        Know fairly that there are two files that can be created in the root.
They are Named autoexec.bat and startup.cmd; and if you place items in these,
they affect startup not, but rather every instance of DOS or OS/2 command lines
that you open from inside the Workplace shell..So, if, for instance, you desire
a 50 line DOS every time you open a DOS session, you can place mode co80, 50,
in the autoexec.bat file, along with other goodies such as DOSKEY and
suchforth.
 
        Know finally that the Workplace shell is far and away the most
underrated of OS/2 features, and the good man shall endeavor to know of its
Mysteries, and understand Objects and Shadow Objects fully; for many wonderful
things are possible once a basic understanding of this is
 
        yep...that's it.  enjoy
 
 
 
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---
 ~ SPEED 1.20 [NR] ~ Brain: the only computer made of meat.
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 ~ SPEED 1.20 [NR] ~  Dos: Venerable.  Windows: Vulnerable.  OS/2: Viable.
 ~ RNet 1.10A:ILink: Invention Factory BBS ~ New York ~ NY ~ 212 274-8110